Archive for December, 2010

(Taken from an old blog written 12/22/2010)

I have alot to deal with right now. Alot to write about, alot to contemplate, alot to run from.

I don’t know exactly what will happen to my sweet momma. She is very sick.

I don’t know whether to be happy or depressed over my sweet boy’s diagnosis. He is still so innocent and wonderful.

I don’t know what to do with my sweet little daughter and her crazy mixed up teenage angst… but it’s driving me CRAZY!!!

I am stuck in the middle. Caring for a parent, kids, and working full time. I AM that cliche that all the AARP magazines talk about, and as mom gets sicker the more I will be needed.

Daddy is wonderful, he is the best husband ever to her. But I want to care for him to!

The most shocking revelation that I have made while sorting through all my thoughts about mom and her cancer and the threat of losing her so soon…. the thought that stopped me dead in my tracks…. I am not sure who I am if I am not trying to please and make proud my momma!

I don’t know who I am without being “Mommas Baby!”

That right there is a scary, scary concept.

So right now, I will keep focusing on the new vocabulary that has traipsed into my life so suddenly….. the words that slap me from the second I open my eyes until the second I close them in exhausted sleep:

My son has Aspergers.

My mom has Cancer.

And my rock, my daughter… is too bi-polar to care.


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