For along time I did not think I would ever be ok without you. I was afraid my heart would walk around in my shoes for the rest of my life. I was scared to touch another man for fear of bursting into a million pieces and losing myself completely. My heart burned for you for many years. I yearned for you to the point of insanity. I said and did things I would never have normally done, just to feel again. The bitterness wept from my pores and into the souls of those around me. It aged me faster than time itself….. and then, suddenly, like lightning you are here…. Back in my life. Smiling and caring for me as if time, pain, circumstance and rejection had never happened. I welcomed you back with open arms. I embraced the newness and the memories. I was happy to taste the familiar salt of your skin on my tongue… drink your akward guilt…devour your lust.. all in a matter of seconds. The bad moments covered over instantly as if they were never there. Had never happened, and never been said.
Five years of suffering finally over. Faster than a blink we were lovers again! I never thought I would feel whole, now here I am. Whole but terrified. Will you do it again? Will you find fault with me again? I am even more tainted and tarnished than the girl you left behind! This woman of regret and anguish. I am not an innocent, I am still me, but five years more bitter… stronger and harder…. and five years wiser.
To lose you, find you and then lose you again would be the end of this girlish heart of mine. Do I trust enough to try?
