Archive for November, 2012

PAXIL is the Devil!

My mind is a jumble, a fog… a mush pit of moods and exhaustion.  I am coming off of my Paxil, after 12 years of relying on the stuff… I am purging myself of its evil.

I was put on it for anxiety, panic attacks and depression back in 1998.  I had a form of PTSD from my abusive marriage and an abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Plus I have suffered from Panic Disorder and Panic attacks since childhood.

I quickly put on 70 pounds and have maintained the weight all 12 years.  I have blamed my Paxil for my sons Autism, my weight, my headaches and my lack of emotions.

Although it never really affected my sex life, I do feel it has been a major reason I am as noncommittal as I have been in the past.

I know sometimes I have wished to cry when it was an acceptable, appropriate time and couldn’t ….. and then cried for hours over something that had no bearing on my life at all.

I have started to take smaller doses of Paxil and adding Lexapro to the mix.  I have had a higher success rate with it this time, the brain zaps, dizziness and tingling has not happened.  However, the exhaustion, sudden waking and insomnia have been terrible.  Headaches, moodiness and generally not “giving a Damn”, has started to kick in now to.

I had an incredibly good book idea come to me the other night, but the ADHD like symptoms I have been having are preventing me from getting it down in writing.  I am so scared I will lose myself, but yet…. have I even known myself these past 12 years?

I know the Cable Guy is witnessing much of my mood swings and emotional outbursts, but he has been a trooper and stuck right there with me.  I just hope that continues as well.

I just want to really do it this time! I really want to be free of Paxil.  I really want to lose the weight and lose the dependency.

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