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Archive for May 3rd, 2020

Keep Moving

 

“Remember: the word “courage” comes from the Latin “cor,” meaning “heart.” So big-hearted means not only kind, not only generous but also brave. As your heart grows, so does your courage. Keep moving.” ~Maggie Smith, poet

Is what I’m doing really “reinventing myself”, or is this just turning the page and beginning a new chapter of my life?

Is this new life going to be the change that catapults me into who I really want to be? Or is it just a pause, a comma, a breath between notes?

Reinvention is a pretty scary word. It really means to break down, tear apart, and rebuild to better suit your desires.

So, in reinventing my life, I must first tear it down, take out the pieces I don’t like, keep in the ones I do… and rebuild.

But to take away the things I don’t like… it’s really not that hard, or even really that big. If I just remove the one thing that I really don’t like, it is to remove my job at the library.

With the removal of that one thing, I remove all the negativity of my life. My life centers around that job in many ways, the stability of income, friendships with patrons, feelings of importance, a stable schedule of daily expectations.

But the negativity outweighs the positivity.  I was bringing home the negativity of that toxic environment. It was being reflected in my daily health, reactions, thoughts, parenting, and mental health.

So the removal of that one area, albeit a large area, is not so much a reinvention of who I am.. It’s more of a new chapter unfolding. It’s a new challenge to see where I can find these feelings of stability within myself, while still being able to provide an income to support my family.

So really, I’ve been here before, this starting over, this redirection of sorts, and it isn’t even as large and looming as some of my past chapters. I have a support system, I have my health, I have a little financial wiggle room, I have my will to survive and to survive well…

I’m really going to be fine, I just need to remember to keep moving away from the negative. I need to remember to be proud of myself for what I accomplished in these past chapters, and to just reread these… not relive these.

Reinvention is just too big of a word to use for this situation. It’s more of a taking out the trash and cleaning house.  Throw away the stuff I don’t need anymore. Cleaning up space to prepare for the new chapter that will be opening up soon. And most importantly… JUST KEEP MOVING!

 

 

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