Archive for the ‘Paxil’ Category

Death Threats

So it has been brought to my attention that I have been turned in by a co-worker for making a death threat on Facebook. (((Sigh)))
Now I have been called into the Directors office to discuss this “very serious situation and some other “team Player” issues”.
If you will please keep in mind while reading this, that I am the one that’s been ranting on here for the past year about being bullied at work, being picked on and singled out by the Director and her cronies.  Having been treated so badly for so long, I had finally had my fill. I am still suffering the effects of Paxil withdrawal and sleep deprivation. I have taken, and taken and taken the crap dished out at work and never said a word to anyone or done anything.
Anyways, so a nurse got a little high and mighty the other night, snapped her fingers at me and told me to go make her a delivery table. I already had made a table and was actually resting for a minute before I got back busy, so rather than jump down her throat and make a scene, I just sat there and continued looking at my magazine. (Yes, being a little pointedly obstinate , but not saying a word.) Two other nurses witnessed it, and both were watching in shock, ready to see hair fly. I was embarrassed, flustered, shocked and MAD that she had spoken to me in this manner. The night continued on without me saying anything to her at all. The charge nurse was told by the other nurses, but I never had my say. Nobody ever asked.
Well, Mistake number ONE: Saying something on Facebook. I should never have said it… But I did, everyone saw it… and now I’m in big trouble.
Mistake number two: Not saying anything to the nurse at the time it happened. I should have said “Hey, please don’t ever speak to me and snap your fingers that way at me again”. Or something like that, but I didn’t. I am to timid and too scared to speak up, so as a writer… what do I do? I vent. I vent with my fingers. I vent to people who actually care, like my friends on Facebook.
She saw it, got… scared??? I suppose? And proceeded to turn me in for making threats 😦 This is what I said:

“Someone doesn’t realize just how close she really came to death when she snapped her fingers and ordered me around like a child last night… very close indeed!”

Whats the verdict? Have any of you ever said anything in anger and gotten in trouble with work?
I know, from experience, that the Director will not even care about the Paxil thing. She will not want to hear excuses or reasoning. She wants to reprimand me, write me up and be done with it. I am devastated that this has been so blown out of proportion, but what can i do? I can’t deny it, it was right there for everyone to read. How do I face my co-worker again without animosity? I mean, poor dumb girl… not my fault she’s stupid and vindictive! 😦 Ugh! I go Tuesday morning for my meeting… Any advice?


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PAXIL is the Devil!

My mind is a jumble, a fog… a mush pit of moods and exhaustion.  I am coming off of my Paxil, after 12 years of relying on the stuff… I am purging myself of its evil.

I was put on it for anxiety, panic attacks and depression back in 1998.  I had a form of PTSD from my abusive marriage and an abusive relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Plus I have suffered from Panic Disorder and Panic attacks since childhood.

I quickly put on 70 pounds and have maintained the weight all 12 years.  I have blamed my Paxil for my sons Autism, my weight, my headaches and my lack of emotions.

Although it never really affected my sex life, I do feel it has been a major reason I am as noncommittal as I have been in the past.

I know sometimes I have wished to cry when it was an acceptable, appropriate time and couldn’t ….. and then cried for hours over something that had no bearing on my life at all.

I have started to take smaller doses of Paxil and adding Lexapro to the mix.  I have had a higher success rate with it this time, the brain zaps, dizziness and tingling has not happened.  However, the exhaustion, sudden waking and insomnia have been terrible.  Headaches, moodiness and generally not “giving a Damn”, has started to kick in now to.

I had an incredibly good book idea come to me the other night, but the ADHD like symptoms I have been having are preventing me from getting it down in writing.  I am so scared I will lose myself, but yet…. have I even known myself these past 12 years?

I know the Cable Guy is witnessing much of my mood swings and emotional outbursts, but he has been a trooper and stuck right there with me.  I just hope that continues as well.

I just want to really do it this time! I really want to be free of Paxil.  I really want to lose the weight and lose the dependency.

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