Archive for the ‘Planning’ Category


I am not the actual Walter Mitty from the movie, no.

I am certainly not the bumbling, silly, goofy, Walter Mitty from the 1947 movie.

I am most certainly not the 1937 version from James Thurber’s classic short story.

No, I am not THAT Walter Mitty… However; I am A version of Walter Mitty.  A paradox of sorts.  I am a complex version of similar, different, longing and urgency.

I am Walter Mitty.

I have lived a muted version of myself for a very long time now.

I have done my duties, as a mother and a daughter, to the best of my abilities. I am aware that I am not finished with those duties.  I am constantly aware I am not ever going to be “finished” with these duties.

I am aware though, that I constantly have a nagging, persistent dream to “break out” of this protective shell and burst forward with my adventure.

I will be 40 in April.

I started a new blog about a year ago called “40 Things to do Before I Turn 40″… I have not posted to this blog, or even visited this site in over 6 months.

I lost my hope.

I lost my drive.

I lost my focus.

I am once again mute.

Something about this movie, about Walter Mitty, started to hit a nerve.  I have started to smolder once again with the dreams for adventure and travel.

No, I do not care to run off to Iceland or Greenland or Afghanistan..

I do, however want to get back to planning my trip to Washington.

I do want to go on long hikes in the mountains.

I do wish to learn to fly fish and kayak.

I do want to write my book/s



I want to become the best version of myself! I do want to write somebody’s favorite book! I do want to smile again… and MEAN IT!

I have so much healing to do.  I have so many invisible fences to hurdle, so many brick walls to tear down… but I think I can do this.  I am only 40… I am ONLY 40! I have years of life left to live, and I want to keep life in focus and live it GRANDLY.

I CAN Be… Walter Freaking Mitty!




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Not only have I been sick for the last week, but I have also had a level of depression going that keeps me just a little above the point of drowning. I am not totally unfunctionable… but I am not really doing a whole lot with my days, either. I am supposed to be putting these old magazines on eBay, making my jewelry, cleaning house, walking, job searching, cleaning house… Oh I think I said that already..
But instead, here I sit. I havent even felt like writing and that is bad. If I store up all these words and don’t write them down, then the Cable Guy gets and ear full on the phone and I feel silly for doing that to him.
My mother is insane, she has totally forgotten that she encouraged me to quite my job, now she is freaking out about the lack of money coming in. It’s frightening how poor I really am at this point. But I really have been looking, it’s just hard to explain to a person of her generation that everything is done via the internet these days. She thinks that me not going out daily dressed in dress slacks and pantyhose with my resume’ and a smile, means I am not trying.
I’m in a slump, an abyss, a funk… I am depressed and trying to hermit myself up into this little safe ball. I do this every time. I will do it again someday. Probably several more times. It’s just who I am. It’s how I deal… It’s just not fun when it’s happening, and it’s not fun for those around me. I just hope something changes soon.. or I might actually stop being able to hide the Crazy!

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Best Made Plans…

frowny-face-3d_originalAfter much planning, begging, and hint dropping, Christmas was finally upon me.  I was so very excited and hopeful that my family would  pull through and have a nice little envelope of money together towards my road trip to Seattle and Washington areas. (reference blog post Seattle or Bust)

Thats all I asked for.  I stated many times: “What you would spend on gifts for me, please just put it in an envelope towards my road trip” “Don’t get me anything, I just want money for my trip!”

Well, so my sweet, wonderful Cable Guy gets the ball rolling by buying me a Kindle Fire HD for Christmas.  $200 dollars for a gadget I never asked for.  Granted I LOVE it… but I really didn’t need it.

The next day was Christmas at my parents house.  I was so excited! Here it was! Finally I can start making some REAL plans towards my trip in June!!!


Gift #1:  An Owl Wall Hanging sign. From my sister.   Ummmmm… WTF?

Gift #2:  A set of 200 count bed sheets from my mom.  yea

Gift #3: A gift card to Burlington Coat Factory, for $25.00

Gift #4:  A thin gray sweater from  Chadwicks

Gift #5: A perfume sampler… I am allergic to most perfumes. 😦

And the list goes on like that.

No money, no hope of a road trip.  No mention of a road trip of any sort.

Yup, looking pretty dismal. 😦

I love my family, I really, really do… but nobody took a hint.  Nobody realises how very serious I am about wanting to visit this state! I am a little sad and a whole lot disappointed 😦

So there’s my rant.  Do I close the Seattle chapter for now?  Not real sure…  but it’s not looking good 😦


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The Jig is Up!

So my mother found out about my planning a road trip to Seattle.  Actually, my son is the one with the big mouth… I just had to laugh it off as a “maybe we can sometime next year” kind of thing.  You see, I may be 38 years old and lived on my own since I was 18, but my mother is still the deciding factor in most  every major decision I make.  She is the type of person that does not make rash decisions.  She does not approve of frivolity.  She is a child of the depression era, so she saves leftovers, fabric scraps, plastic baggies and pennies like they are the last of their kind.  And she does NOT think a road trip to Seattle is a good idea.

I wish so bad she understood my need to go there.  I wish I could tell her that I am getting tired of waiting to start my life!  I will most likely be moving to the Seattle area after she and daddy are gone, but I can’t tell her that.  She gets hurt feelings that I don’t love the Texas Panhandle as much as she does.  And I do love some aspects of the Panhandle.  I will always love the wheat fields, the canyons and the sunsets.  But I am so sick of the heat, the dirt, the dead dry earth, and the smell of feed lots!  I want to be where it is green and lush, mossy and it  RAINS!

My son and I went to Amarillo toady, and then to the museum in Canyon.  We had a lot of fun, but our conversation centered mainly on our trip to Seattle.  What we need to do to get ready, what car to take, what music….  we even might have to bring both the Pug and the Parrot! LOL  Can you imagine what a trip that would be? LOL

Well, back to my mom.  I am going to have to keep most of my planning on the down low, at least for now.  She will figure it out at Christmas when I ask for money and an ice chest for christmas instead of pajamas and socks. 😉

road between the wheat rows

All Images are Copy write protected by Amanda Means

A few of my favorite Texas Panhandle pictures by my favorite Photographer and friend 🙂

Clouds and Wheat
All Images are Copy write protected by Amanda Means

Cows grazing under the Harvest Moon
All Images are Copy write protected by Amanda Means

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