Archive for the ‘work’ Category

Not only have I been sick for the last week, but I have also had a level of depression going that keeps me just a little above the point of drowning. I am not totally unfunctionable… but I am not really doing a whole lot with my days, either. I am supposed to be putting these old magazines on eBay, making my jewelry, cleaning house, walking, job searching, cleaning house… Oh I think I said that already..
But instead, here I sit. I havent even felt like writing and that is bad. If I store up all these words and don’t write them down, then the Cable Guy gets and ear full on the phone and I feel silly for doing that to him.
My mother is insane, she has totally forgotten that she encouraged me to quite my job, now she is freaking out about the lack of money coming in. It’s frightening how poor I really am at this point. But I really have been looking, it’s just hard to explain to a person of her generation that everything is done via the internet these days. She thinks that me not going out daily dressed in dress slacks and pantyhose with my resume’ and a smile, means I am not trying.
I’m in a slump, an abyss, a funk… I am depressed and trying to hermit myself up into this little safe ball. I do this every time. I will do it again someday. Probably several more times. It’s just who I am. It’s how I deal… It’s just not fun when it’s happening, and it’s not fun for those around me. I just hope something changes soon.. or I might actually stop being able to hide the Crazy!

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The boss I have mentioned in earlier posts as decided that I am someone who is “broken”. Someone that needs to be fixed, remedied, cured, changed. She says that because I don’t “make it a point to be friends with the nurses, that I am like working with Oil and Water”. She said I have a wall up and nobody can get past it.

I was speechless. Aghast. Who did she think she was? I wasn’t even in trouble with my actual WORK. I was in trouble for not being like THEM. And to make matters worse, I’m still not sure even who she was even referring to. I go to work on time, I do my job very well, the nurses I work with like me, we all work well together. I am always busy, not trying to sit around and read and watch tv like some of the others. (This is nights by the way, not the day shift) Just because I don’t join in gossip or raunchy talk of men and sex doesn’t mean I am being standoffish and unsociable. As far as I can figure, there are maybe 2-4 nurses that just don’t like me as a person the other 98% like me.

So the director left our visit with me promising to try to change and work harder to fit in…

I don’t know if I can, and I certainly don’t think I can change 38 years of bricks in my wall. I am at a loss with what my next step should be. Do I put up with this another 2 years? Do I try to find a new job? I’m at a complete and total loss of heart….

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Death Threats

So it has been brought to my attention that I have been turned in by a co-worker for making a death threat on Facebook. (((Sigh)))
Now I have been called into the Directors office to discuss this “very serious situation and some other “team Player” issues”.
If you will please keep in mind while reading this, that I am the one that’s been ranting on here for the past year about being bullied at work, being picked on and singled out by the Director and her cronies.  Having been treated so badly for so long, I had finally had my fill. I am still suffering the effects of Paxil withdrawal and sleep deprivation. I have taken, and taken and taken the crap dished out at work and never said a word to anyone or done anything.
Anyways, so a nurse got a little high and mighty the other night, snapped her fingers at me and told me to go make her a delivery table. I already had made a table and was actually resting for a minute before I got back busy, so rather than jump down her throat and make a scene, I just sat there and continued looking at my magazine. (Yes, being a little pointedly obstinate , but not saying a word.) Two other nurses witnessed it, and both were watching in shock, ready to see hair fly. I was embarrassed, flustered, shocked and MAD that she had spoken to me in this manner. The night continued on without me saying anything to her at all. The charge nurse was told by the other nurses, but I never had my say. Nobody ever asked.
Well, Mistake number ONE: Saying something on Facebook. I should never have said it… But I did, everyone saw it… and now I’m in big trouble.
Mistake number two: Not saying anything to the nurse at the time it happened. I should have said “Hey, please don’t ever speak to me and snap your fingers that way at me again”. Or something like that, but I didn’t. I am to timid and too scared to speak up, so as a writer… what do I do? I vent. I vent with my fingers. I vent to people who actually care, like my friends on Facebook.
She saw it, got… scared??? I suppose? And proceeded to turn me in for making threats 😦 This is what I said:

“Someone doesn’t realize just how close she really came to death when she snapped her fingers and ordered me around like a child last night… very close indeed!”

Whats the verdict? Have any of you ever said anything in anger and gotten in trouble with work?
I know, from experience, that the Director will not even care about the Paxil thing. She will not want to hear excuses or reasoning. She wants to reprimand me, write me up and be done with it. I am devastated that this has been so blown out of proportion, but what can i do? I can’t deny it, it was right there for everyone to read. How do I face my co-worker again without animosity? I mean, poor dumb girl… not my fault she’s stupid and vindictive! 😦 Ugh! I go Tuesday morning for my meeting… Any advice?


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In view of the happenings at work this past year, and more lately  the past week, I have taken a look back to see where the major problem may lie.  Is it with me? Is it the people I work with? Work for…. What IS the real core of the problem with my job?

In my looking, I have had some very interesting and enlightening conversations with my co-workers and my boyfriend.  One co-worker suggested I just tell them all to “Fuck-Off and Die.”  No matter how tempting that may be, I could never bring myself to utter those words and keep a straight face or not apologize profusely the moment I said them.  Nope, not an option.  Other co-workers and BF have told me to just “get out” find another job and  get away from the whole mess.  I tend to agree with that solution, but finding another job right now is a little harder what with the economy  how it is, and the fact that I live in a very small town with only one other L&D and  only 3 other surgery sites available, with no openings right now.  Hummmmm…. I can try, but in the mean time I have to continue to work at the present hell hole.  Can’t have my children starving!

Well, so when a co-worker called tonight to plead with me not to go (even though I rarely work with her) I felt all warm and fuzzy inside to know that she values me as a co-worker and thinks I am doing a great job!  I felt allllll warm and fuzzy, until she elaborated on what some of the day shift nurses have said about me.  I know, I know I shouldn’t worry about idle gossip, but it truly eats at me when people say mean things about me  because I am one of those rare individuals that actually gives a damn and tries to make sure EVERYBODY and their dogs, grandparents and FaceBook friends like me!

She went on to explain that I am being called a gossip and a “pot stirrer”.     A pot stirrer.    Now to me, the only POT I have stirred, at work, has been my own.  I get yelled at by the boss, I’m gonna tell my friend that witnessed the incident in which I was being accused of.  I get made fun of at work by, said, mean girls; I’m gonna tell the Cable Guy because he always makes me feel better.  I don’t make up stories and I don’t spread gossip.  I actually end up looking more like a dumb ass than the ones that are being mean.  So how do I end up being called the “pot stirrer?”   I truly do NOT talk much at work, I help out and I walk on egg shells to prove how much I WANT this job and that I really am an asset to the L & D floor!

I know what you’re going to say; keep my mouth shut at work and just do my job.  Dont listen to what those other women say, and don’t repeat anything I hear.  I know it all, I have heard it all… but can I actually do it? I’m so, so , soooooo tired of all the fighting and clawing at this job.  Am I really to blame for the terrible way I have been treated?  Am I really the “pot stirrer?”

Dang, I should just work from home.  Then I could be a real pot stirrer!  I could stir a pot of beans, pot of stew, pot of spaghetti…….

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So I have alot going on right now, and I am extremely tired and very VERY stressed out.

I may be about to change career paths.  I have posted before about the “mean girl” but that does not even begin to explain the bosses at this stupid hospital.  I don’t want to get into it right now, but I don’t think I will be here much longer.  I have given my all to the L&D floor for the past year, and have not had anything but negativity come from the higher-ups.  I’m DONE 😦

On a much happier note, I get to see the Cable Guy tonight! 🙂  It is a forced date, on my part… but Hey! It’s a date! AND after 6 weeks of waiting.. I finally get sex again! 🙂

Wish me luck! 🙂

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Mean Girls

Remember the girls in Jr. High that sat in the back of the bus on the way to various school events.  Remember how they sat in a clump back there, doing each others nails and make-up…. singing the words to every hair band ballad, and making fun of you or your friends because….. well basically, because you weren’t one of THEM?  Well, I have discovered what has become of those mean girls..  they work as nurses in Labor and Delivery.

They are mean, hateful, wenches that still sit in a clump, but usually at the front desk.  Texting, singing country music ballads and making fun of me because, basically because I am not a nurse… and I am still too new to the floor for them to bother being nice to.

They talk in high little baby voices.  Bitch and moan about having to work.  Make fun of their patients. Make fun of each other.  Talk mean to each other….. then laugh hysterically. Its crazy how immature these middle aged women can be!

Tonight I had just about enough and had to get away for a moment, I was walking away from the desk and heard the oldest of the bunch (a mean-spirited, 50 year-old tomboy that everyone plays up to because they are scared of her) say, “she is so weird! Did you know she is a blogger? Weird!” LOL  I was thrown right back into Jr. High where I was made fun of for doing Ballet instead of the popular girls choice of Basketball and volleyball….  Yep, they never change… except to just get meaner and wayyyy better at it. 😦

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