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Posts Tagged ‘cable guy’

I doubt you will find me twirling around in a lovely blue frock belting out my list with total, soprano, abandon.  However, I do have a few things I am willing to give a gentlemanly nod to… in the spirit of the season, of course.

I am comprising this list with one thing in mind; these things tend to make me smile on even the darkest of days.

I may even post a picture or two so you can smile with me.

A Few of Chirp and Flutters favorite Things

1.  Rain

rain

Not just rain, but fog, drizzle, sleet, sprinkles, storms, snow,

downpours…precipitation in general makes me smile.  The gloomier it is outside, the happier I am.

2. PUGS

imagesCA53GIDT

I can’t look at my little guy, Samson…. or any other Pug for that matter, without wanting to squish his little fat body and face and kiss him all over! He is the epitome of love, beauty, hillariousness, and sweetness all rolled up into a chubby little package.  (plus he is the PERFECT cuddle buddy!)

3.  Coffee and Coffee Mugs

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Self explanatory 🙂

Hence the Tumblr blog…  http://booksrainandbirds.tumblr.com

4.  Washington, the state….

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I have said it before, and I will say it again and again… I WILL live here!! I love the mountains, the ocean, the trees, the city, the music, the coffee, the flowers, the rain, the birds…. and I have never even been there.  I Will go.  I think my family is afraid for me to travel there, for fear I will never return to Texas… they have a legitimate reason to fear this 😉

5.  This guy

1003940_10151603636757286_1837259262_nHe Owns my Heart

6.  And this guy…

011Ignore the ugly girl beside him 😉

7.  Books

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So it’s a good thing for me to be working in a library

8. Trees

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Trees of all shapes, sizes, types and colors.  Fruit trees, nut trees, flowering trees, plain trees, skinny trees, old trees, new trees, ugly gnarled trees, shiny silver barked trees, pine trees, palm trees, trees with hammocks in them, tree houses, trees all alone on a hill, trees so thick you can’t move through them, trees that are dead, trees that are covered in moss, petrified trees of old, trees with bark so thick it’s an armor.  I love trees!

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According to Wikipedia:  A buoy is a floating device that can have many purposes. It can be anchored (stationary) or allowed to drift with the sea wave.
A Lifebuoy is used as a life saving buoy designed to be thrown to a person in the water to provide buoyancy, usually has a connecting line allowing the casualty to be pulled to the rescuer.

Navigational Buoys aid pilotage by marking a maritime channel, hazard and administrative area to allow boats and ships to navigate safely. Some navigational buoys are fitted with a bell or gong, which sounds when waves move the buoy.

According to me, a buoy is a tender, loving Cable Guy who is there for me to cling to when the waters become rough, violent and non-navigational.thumb_COLOURBOX2224724

He saved me.  He stayed anchored and steadfast the night my mother died, holding me up… physically holding me up for almost 8 hours as she gasped and rattled out her dying breaths.  He carried me to bed, carried me to the funeral, carried me to the burial.  He kept my head above the waves as they crashed and threatened to overwhelm and drown me.  He loved me at my ugliest.  He kissed me at my dirtiest.

He never let me slip under.  He refused to allow me to succumb to the water.  He might float away for just a moment, but is always just…there,   holding the line taut.  Watching me for signs of distress.  Ready to rescue at the very moment I cry out.

It’s always a fear, for the rescuer, that the person they are holding up, the person they are rescuing, might pull them under with their dead weight, thrashing about or panic.  No matter how hard I pull and cling, no matter how panicked and desperate I become, he is always there, steadfast and buoyant.  Holding me up, keeping me breathing, rescuing me his one job for now.

My grief, my depression, my special needs children, my anger, my pain,  my past… all bricks around my neck.  They all work to pull me back under the salt and sea.  They are a constant pull, all dragging and pummeling  me and yet my face is never completely submerged because I have my life buoy, my floatation device, my buoyant and loving Cable Guy.   My rescuer.

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The days that have passed since my last blog have not been any easier, really.  However, I am not the sobbing, quaking, mess that I was last week.  What has changed? What has caused me to feel I could cope, rather than want to run, hide or die?

Well, for one, the Cable Guy finally told me he “loves me”.  Not in any huge flowery display of romance. Just a plain, simple statement that felt more real than anything I have ever felt before.  I laugh now, because it ONLY took him 35 months to say it, but he really has shown it in every way possible. Namely by not dumping my pathetic ass during these past few months of hell!

Another thing that happened, is I finally was fully vindicated.  My stepson now knows it was all his mother, that I never said those awful things about him, and I know he never said those things about me.  We are fine now. Still regard each other with caution and shyness, but better.  He knows I don’t wish to control him, I know he doesn’t want another “mother” but will always need a friend.

So… Am I better? Maybe.  Am I feeling better… somewhat.

I may be getting better at hiding, but I also may be healing.

I’m not allowing myself to talk to my mom. I’m not allowing myself to think of her, miss her, hate her… I am indifferent.  Seems to be the only way I can function normally.  Is it healthy? probably not, is it ok… for now I feel it is.

I can’t sit and dwell on my anger and expect to take care of an Autistic child and a mentally unstable teen! I have to keep some sort of wall up or I will be back to the mess I was in last week.

So, until I find a counselor, until I find a safe place to lay it all down, I am just going to keep shoveling the manure of “I’m Fine” and “Nevermind” over it…

Kinda stinks, but so does life.

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When life leaves you high and dry
I’ll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help
I’ll shut down the city lights,
I’ll lie, cheat, I’ll beg and bribe to make you well, to make you well
When enemies are at your door I’ll carry you away from war
If you need help, if you need help
Your hope dangling by a string
I’ll share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well

Give me reasons to believe that you would do the same for me

And I would do it for you, for you
Baby I’m not moving on
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
For you, for you
You will never be alone
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
And long after you’re gone gone gone

When you fall like a statue
I’m gon’ be there to catch you
Put you on your feet, you on your feet
And if your well is empty
Not a thing will prevent me
Tell me what you need, what do you need

I surrender honestly
You’ve always done the same for me

So I would do it for you, for you
Baby I’m not moving on
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
For you, for you
You would never be alone
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
And long after you’re gone gone gone

You’re my back bone, you’re my cornerstone
You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving
You’re my headstart, you’re my rugged heart
You’re the pulse that I’ve always needed
Like a drum baby don’t stop beating
Like a drum baby don’t stop beating
Like a drum baby don’t stop beating
Like a drum my heart never stops beating

For you, for you
Baby I’m not moving on
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
For you, for you
You would never be alone
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
For you, for you
Baby I’m not moving on
I’ll love you long after you’re gone
For you, for you
You would never be alone
I’ll love you long, long after you’re gone

Like a drum baby don’t stop beating
Like a drum baby don’t stop beating
Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you
And long after you’re gone gone gone
I love you long after you’re gone gone gone….

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Day 1

Arrived in Santa fe to a beautiful snow falling from dark heavy shies. The sun has come out now, though.. I think it’s going to be a lovely, lovely time with my Cable Guy 🙂 I think this is just what we need! 🙂

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Santa Fe or Bust!

Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong… This trip seems to be doomed before we even leave the driveway, beginning with the fact that the Cable Guy has the stomach bug and cant seem to get out of the bathroom! Ugh! Please, I pray to all that is Holy! Please let this MUCH NEEDED vacation happen! Or I am going to be doing some site seeing and blogging in a cabin on my own! 😐

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So I have alot going on right now, and I am extremely tired and very VERY stressed out.

I may be about to change career paths.  I have posted before about the “mean girl” but that does not even begin to explain the bosses at this stupid hospital.  I don’t want to get into it right now, but I don’t think I will be here much longer.  I have given my all to the L&D floor for the past year, and have not had anything but negativity come from the higher-ups.  I’m DONE 😦

On a much happier note, I get to see the Cable Guy tonight! 🙂  It is a forced date, on my part… but Hey! It’s a date! AND after 6 weeks of waiting.. I finally get sex again! 🙂

Wish me luck! 🙂

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