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Mom, doing something nice :)

Mom, doing something nice ūüôā

 

It’s hard to belive it has been 2 months now since momma passed.

I have been so busy just trying to muddle through the day-by-day… I have let the time slip by.

I went to a Christmas program with my boss Saturday night.¬† I thought it would be awful, but it was really pretty pleasent, for the most part anyways.¬† It was very hard to sit through the show without thinking “Mom would have loved this!” or “Oh, mom’s favorite song!”

I did even tear up a time or two with the sadness that mom would have really enjoyed that music so much more than I was.

I allowed myself to miss her for the rest of the evening.

I think I have been sooooo very busy being angry with her, I have not been allowing myself the time to remember, grieve and actually MISS her.

For everything bad I say about her, I can now say a good thing just as fast.¬† And you know, she really was a good person in so many ways.¬† She tried so very hard to create¬†a perfect, christian world for us.¬† I think her human side, her mental state, just¬†did not ever allow her to be “happy” with her results.¬† I think she might have been just as hard on herself, on the inside, as she was on us.

Today I am going to “TRY” (big emphasis on the word “try”) to put up Christmas decorations and the tree.¬† I am going to try to get through December the best I can.¬† Then maybe I can look forward to kissing 2013’s Ass… GOODBYE!

This has been one Hell of an awful year.¬† I’m just going to try.. that’s all I can do, right?

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