Super Human

“It started out just like any other day When my world crashed down and I was left without a word to say It started out like a fever in the night

Without warning now I’ve got no chance if I don’t stand to fight I’ve got no choice I promise to survive I’ve got nothing left to lose tonight” ~Blackgummy

Two weeks ago I made a crushing discovery. One so awful that I am unable to discuss it with anyone.  I am angry, confused, hurt, disgusted…. and it has set my mental health back to point zero.

I don’t know how to contain the information I now know…

On one hand, I am able to compartmentalize and keep it in a closet.

But in a way, I feel the more I keep silent the more damage I will feel inside over time.

It’s eating me up like cancer, crawling under my skin and looking for a fight.

I love the person that this involves. But I will never see this person in the same way. In a way, my life long hero has fallen off that pedestal they were on for 40+ years… and is now broken into a thousand pieces and I care NOTHING about helping them clean this mess up.

I feel like a victim. I feel soft and mushy inside, my nerves are shot and my hand trembles constantly.  But on the outside I am in control, I am undisturbed, my mask is firmly in place.

But the pain… Oh, the pain 😦

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I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else

“I Don’t Wanna Love Somebody Else”
(A Great Big World)

Oh, I built a world around you
Oh, you had me in a dream,
I lived in every word you said
The stars had aligned
I thought that I found you
And I don’t wanna love somebody else

Oh, we left it all unspoken
Oh, we buried it alive
and now it’s screaming in my head
Oh, I shouldn’t go on hoping
Oh, that you will change your mind
and one day we could start again
Well I don’t care if loneliness kills me
I don’t wanna love somebody else

Oh, I thought that I could change you
Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell
I know that it’s time to tell you it’s over
But I don’t wanna love somebody else

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Rescue

“Rescue”

She thinks she’s all alone and all her hopes are gone and so I wrote this song so she can move along.
Things were bad. She was in despair. Things were bad and you were never there, but things were bad, she came up for air.
She said a little prayer, she found herself. Yeah she’s got light in her face, she don’t need no rescuing she’s okay.

Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing she’s okay

No S.O.S. needed, no rescuing, she’s fine out there. [2x]

Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.

She looks into the sky and all her tears are dry she kiss her fears goodbye.
She’s gonna be alright. Things were bad. It was beyond repair.
She was scare, she couldn’t handle it. Things were bad, but now she’s glad.
Can’t you tell that she’s walking on air?

Yeah, she’s got light in her face, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.
Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.

No S.O.S. needed, no rescuing, she’s fine out there. [2x]

Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.

That girl is you yeah and that girl is me, that girl is stronger than the raging sea.
That girl is you yeah and that girl is me, that girl is stronger than the raging sea.

Yeah, she’s got light in her face, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.
Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing she’s okay.

No S.O.S. needed, no rescuing, she’s fine out there. [2x]

Yeah, she’s got life in her veins, she don’t need no rescuing, she’s okay.

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Weighty Ghost

I got out of bed today,

Swear to God I couldnt see my face

I  got out of bed today staring at a ghost

Who forgot to float away,

didnt have  all that much to say

Wouldnt even tell me his own name

Whered my body  go

Where oh whered my body go?

Africa or Mexico?

Where oh whered my body go?

Whered my body go?

Have you seen my ghost?

Staring at the ground?

Have you  seen my ghost?

Sick of those goddamn clouds

Are you some kind of medicine man?

Cut the demons out of my head

You cant kill something thats already dead

Just leave my soul  alone

I dont need no surgery

Take those knives away from me

Just wanna  die in my own body

A ghost just needs a home

~  Wintersleep – Weighty Ghost

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Wild World~Cat Stevens

(Just thinking of my daughter today, wherever she might be…)

 

Now that I’ve lost everything to you,

you say you want to start something new,

and it’s breaking my heart you’re leaving,

baby I’m grieving.

 
But if you wanna leave take good care,

hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world,

it’s hard to get by just upon a smile.

Oh baby baby it’s a wild world.
I’ll always remember you like a child, girl.

 

You know I’ve seen a lot of what the world can do,

and it’s breaking my heart in two,

cause I never want to see you sad girl,

don’t be a bad girl,

but if you want to leave take good care,

hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,

but just remember there’s a lot of bad and beware,

beware,

 
Oh baby baby it’s a wild world,

it’s hard to get by just upon a smile

Oh baby baby it’s a wild world,

and I’ll always remember you like a child, girl.
Baby I love you,

but if you wanna leave take good care,

hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,

but just remember there’s a lot of bad,

and beware, beware,
oh baby baby it’s a wild world,

it’s hard to get by just upon a smile.

Oh baby baby it’s a wild world,

and I’ll always remember you like a child, girl.

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Love on Top

 

 

 

Honey,  honey,

I can see the stars all the  way from here  Can’t you see the glow on the window pane?  I can feel the  sun whenever you’re near  Every time  you touch me I just melt away   Now everybody asks me why I’m smiling out from ear to ear.  (They say love hurts) But I know (It’s gonna take a little  work)  Nothing’s perfect, but it’s worth it after fighting through my tears And finally…  you put me first Baby it’s  you.  You’re the one I love.  You’re the one I need.  You’re the only one I see.

Come on baby it’s  you. You’re the one that gives your all.  You’re the one I  can always call.  When I need you to make everything stop.  Finally you put my love on top.  Ooo! Come on Baby.  You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.

Baby I can hear the wind whipping past my face As we dance the night away Boy your lips taste like a night of champagne As  I kiss you again and again and again and again…..

Baby baby it’s you.You’re the one that gives your all.  You’re the one that always calls. When I need you everything stops.  Finally you put my love on top…..

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